Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
