Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
