Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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