I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
