I think im going to throw up on grandma
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
