Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
