'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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