I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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