i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
