Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Randomize
