I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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