It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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