i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Actions speak louder than pants.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
