he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
