sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I love you. Go after that dick
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
