Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
