Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
