oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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