why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
