Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
