don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
