it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
