drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
