if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
