What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
