I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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