Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
