I must be too annoying 4 u.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
