My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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