my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
you made out with another girl for some wings
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
