The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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