please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
