So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize