at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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