it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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