She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I can't trust your balls anymore.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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