Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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