I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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