cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
