I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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