the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
