Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
