Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
