Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
