Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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