i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
