so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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