So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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