You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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