His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
this is an emotional support booty call
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
