Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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