once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
how drunk are you?
Several
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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