yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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