I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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