i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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