I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
