rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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