The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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