Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
