96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
