walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
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